Coaching: Overcoming Self-Doubt!
Am I doing enough?
Am I as good as so and so?
How can I better?
What do they want from me?
Was that the right answer?
Did I do the right thing?
Do they think I am doing enough?
Should I be doing more?
Self-doubt has a way of motivating us and equally de-motivating us. It can bring up feelings such as guilt, fear, shame, not-enoughness, failure to mention a few. Although self-doubt is often cognitive, it triggers emotion and we often take action around it with little to no understanding of what is going on underneath those thoughts and feelings!
Self-doubt can trigger us into proving ourselves to ourselves or others or avoiding showing up as less than to someone or ourselves through not engaging.
Its the way we manage self-doubt that is important and why it's present and what is it doing for us?
I see two key reactions to self-doubt.
One there are those with a lot of self-doubts who become high achiever or work harder than others, they can also burn themselves out using this approach.
Then there are those who can be classed as "lazy" (although I do dispute anyone being considered lazy!) as a way to avoid being outed as not enough! They can avoid disappointing themselves and others but they can also become avoidant not just of achievements but of any chance of failure in any area of their lives!
This is where self-doubt needs to be addressed, whether it's motivating us or de-motivating us. Whether it has now escalated to the ineffective way of doing things, with a constant chasing or avoiding feeling!
Whatever it takes to survive the situation, that's what we will do and if we have practice avoiding or proving, that's what we will default to! However, when we work on our self-doubt we can be less triggered and more effective in responding rather than surviving challenging situations.
Coaching for self-doubt is highly effective when a person is doing well but does not feel great. When a person is very self-critical or self-destructive.
Here are some key steps to combating self-doubt, starting NOW!
* Practice a daily gratitude list of three things you did well that day. (Positive Psychology)
* Reassure yourself, everyone, doesn't have to agree with you for you to be safe. (re-parenting)
* Reassure yourself that feedback from others is another viewpoint, not a weakness in you. (Adulting from TA)
* Get an informed perspective and support such as coaching / personal development (Commit to action)
* Question the doubt, dialogue with it (CBC)
* Set self-goals rather than externally measured ones! (be moved from within)
* Self-talk to yourself the way you would someone you adored. (Self-respect)
* Face the fear, look at it and break it down into small actionable steps!
* Redirect your attention to whats next, rather than everything. Focus on where your power lies, not on everything demanding your attention. (mindful-ish)
* Educate yourself in areas that you are unsure of, this can include the topic you beat yourself up with or your thinking/ behaviours around something (challenging the power of the inner critic)
* Focus on what you can do, not what they can't do (CBC)
Coaching for self-doubt ..
When I work with people around self-doubt I usually find a commonality, those who avoid failure by not engaging actively in life or work OR more commonly those who avoid failure by doing too much and ensuring they never fall behind. Do you have a sense of which you might default to?
If your way of managing self-doubt is either approach, then coaching is a viable option to help you feel more confident, self-assured and discerning with your interpretation of a situation.