Identity, Parts & Our Significance.
We all have ideas about who we are and who we should be. some good, some bad, some bizarre.
Our identity is made up of many things, influenced by numerous experiences, personality, character style and social interactions.
We all get our "significance" from ways we see or represent ourselves.
Usually from how we got it growing up or rediscovered it at different points. We often play to our strengths or at least what we get praised for and try to avoid, cover up or minimise our less than strong areas.
When our significance is tied up in something such as sexuality, history, behaviour etc. we have to relate very strongly to this and replay its meaning in our lives.
When we tie up one part of ourselves into our main identity we do not allow room for other parts to flourish especially if they are challenging our area of significance.
For instance if our significance comes from getting on with everyone, maybe when its time to say no or draw boundaries we won't.
Or if its about our sexuality, if the time comes to question it we may struggle because eof its link to our identity.
Or our job role and we lose our job etc. etc. etc.
We are significant but we have to be really careful what weight we give any area of ourselves, we are so much more than one or two parts.
Identity is who I am and who I offer to the world, it is not something to fit into, it is something that fits us snuggly and perfectly as it is, contradictions an all.
It is only when we have aligned ourselves too strongly with ideas of who we should be it becomes restrictive and limiting. We start attempting to fit into ideas of who someone with this label might be.
We are special whether we are the same or different, whether you fit the labels we think we need or don't. We are special because of the combination of our parts and labels and the vastness of ourselves as total human beings.
When our significance is tied to outputs, how others see us or only one part of who we are, we live only to a certain depth. Some parts are bigger than others but we are far more than one part.
Significance needs to come from a whole place, not a part place. When it comes from a whole place we give ourselves permission to be how and who we need to be in any moment.
We are allowed to access other parts of ourselves as and when needed. We start thinking more openly and diversely and less constrictively. We become more accessible to people similar and different. We actually become ourselves, our full selves. We become comfortable in ourselves regardless of the setting.