Do you doubt yourself? Never know what the right thing to do is! You are not alone lots of people feel this, many of my clients feel it and I have experienced this in my own personal life too (during rocky times I still can).
I work with a lot of people who just can’t tell what they need for themselves. They agonize over decisions and actions they have already taken and personalize any possible bad outcome as their fault.
Do you find that you doubt yourself? Your choices, your decisions and even your feelings?
This self doubt comes from a disconnection to our own values, sense of self worth and having an external locus of control (using others beliefs as a reflection of how we should be)
This isn’t all that uncommon however it is a very uncomfortable place to be as you are always under threat of how others believe you should do things. You create a powerlessness within yourself by disconnecting from what feels right for you.
We can end up listening to others judgments more than the quiet pull of what you want or who you want to be. Or prioritize what to do based on others opinions and not our goals or values!
When we function like this we often feel lost when others stop setting agendas for us or standards. When we don’t feel like we are accomplishing enough and yet we have no idea where to start! Then if we find people disapprove of us we can feel very shakey and unsure.
Living like this leaves us vulnerable to every Tom, Dick and Harry’s opinion. To seeking approval in our intimate relationships and morphing into aspects of ourselves rather than emerging into the fullness of ourselves within the relationships.
Some of us are so use to living like this that we don’t think its possible to live any different or that it must be selfish to stop prioritizing others opinion over our own. I get this I really do but happiness and well-being doesn’t come from living off other peoples scripts, doubting ourselves or waiting for approval.
Changing this on a deeper level can take time but we can also experience the freedom that comes from doing the work quite quickly.
So what can you do? Get coaching, attend counseling, start mindfulness, reflect on your needs, do a personal development group.. any of these will help.
In the meantime you can start reaffirm your own needs and feelings as valid. You can stop side lining them and seeing them as invaluable notifications to what you need to lead a life of contentment.